The night before D-day

I guess this is my introduction. My baby steps into the world of blogging. I always liked keeping a diary...so maybe this will be good for me.

I am a 29 year old mother of a beautiful 5 year old daughter. I got married last month to a wonderful man who loves her like she is his own. We eloped while on vacation, and now have to throw a big reception for family and friends in a few months.....we just set the date this week. So tomorrow is D day. D as in diet.....again.

I am 5'2 and currently weigh right around 300 pounds. I stopped weighing myself near Christmas, so not sure of the exact number. Tomorrow will be weigh in day.

I wasn't always fat (though I was always loud). I was a thin girl, an athletic teen and young adult. I was the girl that turned heads when I walked in the door. Letting go of that girl is hard! I still think I am her sometimes. It doesn't always fully register that she is gone. I got my ass stuck in a window trying to break in to my own house once...because it really did not occur to me that I wouldn't fit through a small bathroom window. I still saw myself as that thin girl. I see pictures of myself and it is like looking at someone else. I told ONE person that story the day after it happened....everyone at work was calling me winnie the poo before the day was over. It was great fun.

I have adult ADD too! Its fun! Its a constant game I play with myself to see how many things I can forget to do in a single day. Thanks to the fact that I recently lost my job and great health insurance I am no longer on my meds for this fun little condition. I dont know how I am going to follow a diet with my ADD as bad as it is right now. The effect on my impulse control is incredible. But I have to try. ADD can not be an excuse for me to become one of those people that has to be cut out of my own house.

So....this time I am going with the calorie cutting method. I have tried all the other fun diets out there. Calorie counting and working out. I hate calorie counting, the only thing I hate more is working out. lol

My husband is active. He snowboards, hikes, rides his bike. He loves to be out doing something. He is not a chubby chaser. He was not physically attracted to me when we started dating. We had been introduced 4 years ago by friends....and we became friends. Then one drunk night about year ago we "hooked up". He loves me for my mind, my spirit, for who I am. He does NOT love the fat package. Don't get me wrong, he thinks I am beautiful. But his attraction to me is based on love and respect, not my hot body. He wants me to be able to do things with him. He wants to be able to take family ski trips, go for walks, head to yosemite for a day of hiking. I have a hard time walking to my car sometimes. My husband wants my outside to reflect what he sees on the inside. I want the same thing. He has made me a gym at home. Our garage has been converted for the past few months..though I haven't used it. We have a treadmill, eliptical, weights, balance ball...all kinds of crap.

My end goal is to get to 140 pounds. That is just over half my weight. My mini goal is to lose at least 30 pounds before my wedding reception in 50 days. God help me...I havent even started yet and I am already craving cheesecake!