IGIGI wedding dress

I read about IGIGI on the pastaqueen blog. It is an online formalwear stop that caters to plus size women. Did that sound politically correct? Really they make gorgeous dresses for big girls. I needed a simple, elegant, white dress for my upcoming wedding reception. I called the number I found on their website. You see...I did not want to order something so important without trying it on. I taked to a very sweet young lady who told me I could come to their headquarters in San Francisco and try on as many dresses as I wanted. Since I live only a few hours away I decided to do just that.
When I arrived I noticed that this is where the magic actually happens. There were sewing machines and patterns. There was a sewing dummy...and when I saw it I knew I was in the right place! It had padding in all the right places, duct taped on. They had made a fat girl sewing dummy. I knew then that they werent just making skinny girl clothes cut bigger. They were cutting for plus size shapes, for girls who have bodies like mine.
The girls helping me were 2 very cute, very thin girls. Oddly...I never felt out of place. They made me feel beautiful. They had pulled every single wedding dress style they make. The one I loved onine I ended up hating in person. The one I hated online I fell in love with and bought as soon as I saw it on. These 2 girls treated me with respect and with dignity. The designer was there and told them to give me 20% off...which was nice. I told her I already had the 20% coupon from pastaqueens blog...I hope she gets some sort of credit for it.
IGIGI isnt just beautiful clothes....it is really great staff. They made picking my dress a happy occasion. For just a moment I got to forget that I was fat, that I was what most people see as ugly. It was what every bride deserves when picking her dress.
The dress itself is just beautiful. The online picture doesn't begin to do it justice. After my reception I will post a picture of me in it..and maybe you can see what I mean. My only fear is that if I lose any weight it may not fit. I am hoping that if that happens the company might have a good exchange policy. I will try to the pic up from the IGIGI site.

Competition!

I have decided that I am going to join a local weight loss competition. It is an annual thing with nice shinny prizes and a $100 entrance fee. It includes like 4 group training sessions a week. I am hoping that the combination of competition, scheduled training, and hanging with other people who have similar goals will help me. Will it work? Maybe. The bigger issue for me is how to stop eating. I am hungry all the time....Im not exagerating. I am always hungry. I can eat a whole large pizza and be starving half an hour later. I wonder if it is a medical problem or if everyone feels this way and just controls it better. I will pork out on salad too...not just junk. I am constantly starving.
I have discovered I am lactose intolerant. It sucks, and it doesnt. Cutting out dairy can only help my weight loss efforts. Tell me all you want that milk helps weight loss, its crap. Cows milk is meant to do only one thing: Turn a 60 pound calf into a 600 pound cow. Cows milk is meant for cow babies! It is not meant to be slurped down by the gallon by 300 pound overweight women. People get grossed out when a chef makes cheese out of his wifes breast milk and lets people sample it...yet we drink gallons of a dirty animals breast milk without a thought. I have always loved milk, but after thinking about it I know I can live without it.
I have no readers, so I wonder why I even write this. Maybe someday someone will read it and know that they are not alone. That would be nice. Right now I feel alone. I read some great blogs. I read pastaqueens blog, and dietgirl. I love them. But they are women who have already made this journey. They are no longer standing at the starting line knowing that they may never finish the race. I am such a cry baby. lol
I will try to post more often....and actually start losing weight on this weight loss blog. :)

The wagon

I am off the wagon again. What the hell is wrong with me? I make these promises to myself and I get all fired up...and then I find myself bloated after a weeklong junk food binge.
Today we drove a short way to take my daughter to the snow. The idea was to go sledding. I had to stay in the car. You see, the packed snow that my husband and daughter were jumping and running on could not support my weight. They could JUMP on it. I tried walking on it so I could at least take pics of them sledding. No go. I sunk in hip deep. I couldnt get out. It took my husband several attempts to get me out of the hole I had created. I tried again. I sunk again....and managed to hurt my bad knee quiet badly. I spend the rest of the afternoon sitting in the car while my husband and daughter sledded without me. I was so ANGRY. My husband held my hand and told me it was ok, and said he understood. He doesnt. I love him, but he doesnt understand.
I find myself wondering when exactly it was that I stopped noticing and stopped caring how big I got. How do you wake up at 300 pounds and not know how you got here? I am so furious at myself. This has to stop. I can not spend the rest of my life feeling like this or missing out on fun times with my family.
How do I stay on the wagon? Is there a seatbelt?